Day 7- Raise Your Glass

Day 2 – Tell us about your job. 
Day 3 – Your idea of the perfect first date. 
Day 4 – Your favorite photograph of your best friend. 
Day 5 – A photo of yourself two years ago. 
Day 6 – A photo of an animal you’d love to keep as a pet. 



Day 7 – Your dream wedding.
Title- Just cause it's my theme song. I love it. 

I admit that I've been avoiding this blog. In fact I honestly considered just skipping it, kind of like I skipped class the day we were discussing the issue in my National Government class. But in the end I thought "what the hell?" If I can't blog about something personal, and at times painful, then I shouldn't be able to blog at all.


The truth is that marriage is an incredibly difficult thing for me to think about, much less write about. And it isn't because it isn't legal (yet). There is not a single doubt in my mind that there will be a day when every state will allow and recognize gay marriage. Perhaps it will be many years. Perhaps it will be one. But I do believe it will happen. I just pray that I will be alive to see it. It wasn't until 1967 that people of different races were allowed to marry, forty years later it seems silly to think otherwise. Hopefully gay marriage isn't too far behind.


But this isn't a political blog about human rights. And, like I said, the topic isn't difficult because of the legality of gay marriage. It could be perfectly legal, and it would still be a tender subject. 


It's tender to me because weddings are supposed to be a happy time. And on the day of my wedding, and yes ladies and gents, whether legal or not there will be a wedding, it won't be a happy time for everyone. Family is the most important thing in my life. The decision to live as a gay man was painful only because of I was afraid for my family. Notice I say for and not of. I didn't want to disappoint or hurt those members of my family that do not agree with my decisions. I still wanted to be the perfect, polite, talented and intelligent nephew, cousin, and grandson that I have always been. But, I suppose, that image is shattered. At least for some of them. 


The idea that on the day that I become a husband, I will not be able to look out and see every member of my family smiling and wishing me the best, is murder. Don't get me wrong, I love my family. I truly have the greatest family in the world. I know that not a single member of my family would do anything to hurt me intentionally. And I know that they will love me through it all. I simply don't want to hurt or disappoint or embarrass any of them. And I know receiving a wedding announcement, or shaking hands with my husband, or getting a Christmas card with two male names on it would do just that. It would hurt. It would disappoint. And it would embarrass. I don't blame them for that. It's the way they were brought up. The way they were taught. Changing that would take more than love. It would take a miracle. I'm not the kind of person who can just say "Screw them. Who cares what they think?" Because, the answer is simple. I care what they think. And more importantly I care how they feel. Because I love them.


I don't mean to whine. I have it so much better than so many others. I didn't get kicked out or disowned. I didn't lose my foundation and my life. I just don't get to have what my cousins or my brothers will have. But that's life I suppose.


So, my dream wedding. I don't care about colors or flowers or tuxes. My dream wedding would be one single day when everyone in my life put down the bible, put down the Book of Mormon, turned off Glenn Beck, forgot about Conference talks and Tea Party rallies and just watched me be in love. One day when everyone could be happy that I was happy. One day when just maybe they could be proud of me because I was doing what I wanted. That's my dream wedding. 


I'm sorry if I sound preachy and annoying. I like to think that I'm not the stereotyped loud mouth homosexual who shouts about rights and peace and love. I believe in all those things, but I don't feel the need to shout about them. I don't think that's how battles get won. But this time, I guess I just decided to speak my peace. I hope I didn't offend anyone. I love my family. I love my life. And someday I will love my husband. And in the end, I think that's enough for me.


-mikey-