Living on a Latte and a Prayer

I'm not really sure what this blog is. It is three in the morning, and I started thinking. Bad combination.

I've spent the last month and a half focusing the greater part of my energy on a musical that I've grown to love and a company that I believe in more than almost anything. I don't have a job. I don't go to school. And I have next to no social life (except Wednesdays of course). It's a strange feeling, being able to focus almost everything I have on theatre. At school my "other" classes took my energy for part of the time. And while theatre was always at the top of my list of important things, there were always a few things that seemed to get in the way. I hope that the last month and a half is kind of a preview to what the next few years of my life will be. As far as school goes, I no longer have to take any classes outside of the performing arts building if I don't want to. And living in (or near) salt lake will give me the greater opportunities as far as auditioning goes. Living and breathing acting is going to be amazing.

On the other hand, I'm freaking scared out of my damn mind. Come August 22nd, I will no longer be at the top of my game. At CEU I pretty much knew where I stood. I knew what I had to do to get what I wanted. At the U, I'll be lost. I look forward to the challenge of having heavy competition. I am excited to have to fight my hardest for everything. But, as invigorating as that is, it's frightening. I remember feeling that way when I made the move to CEU. It didn't take long for me to find my place, but for a short time I was afraid I wasn't going to make it. And here I am again, afraid that the moment I walk in the door everyone will be able to see through me.

As hard as it may be to believe, I'm quite an insecure person. (NO WAY! Michael? Insecure? Who would have thought?!) I'm rarely impressed with myself and my work. In fact the best compliment I usually give myself is "Man, Michael. Look at you! You really have these people fooled into thinking you can act! What morons!" I constantly live in fear that one day people are going to see that I'm really faking my way through everything. But until that day comes, I suppose I just have to keep faking.