As acting students, we are often told that our lives will influence and teach us so much about our art. But I've found the opposite to be true as well. Acting has taught me a lot about living.
I've been in a weird place lately. So much of my life is just how I want it to be. My family is going through major changes. But the changes are great and exciting. My friends are incredible. They love me and I love them. But there are some things that just aren't going the way I want them to. And I've been fighting tooth and nail to get them to work, and it just isn't happening.
My life completely changed as an actor when I made a breakthrough about auditions. I one day realized just how silly auditioning was. There is so much about the casting process that you have zero control over! Whether or not you are a hard worker and whether or not you are talented are only two of the HUNDREDS of things that go into casting. As an actor, you have absolutely no control over whether or not you are what the casting director is looking for. You can only be you. And if that isn't what they want, that's that. When this finally dawned on me, my audition process completely changed. I suddenly realized that because auditioning was so unfair and out of my control, I needed to have control over the few things I could (being prepared, etc). But more importantly, I had to let go of the rest. Because if I'm stressing over the things I can't control, I'm doing the directors job, not my own. And being an actor is hard enough without having to be a director as well.
What I'm realizing lately is that this has a direct correlation to real life. I'm unhappy with many things that are beyond my control. Why can't things just fall into place for me like they seem to be doing for others? And then it dawned on me. If I'm stressing over things I can't change, I'm doing someone else's job. If I can't get a handle on the things in my life I can control, why would I even want control over the rest?
MJ
"I want to make magic. I want to strike lightening in the sky"
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Monday, October 1, 2012
On Acting and Its (welcome) Challenges.
(It's been a while. Sorry I'm not sorry.)
I never want acting to be easy. How boring would it be to spend your life doing something that was never a challenge to you? Thankfully, it isn't. Acting is, like, hard. Like, really really hard. At least for me. There are people who can walk on stage and be brilliant without the slightest effort (at least, that's how it seems to me). In High School and the first few years of college, I longed to be the person that could breathe on stage and blow the audience away. But with every closing night I'm more and more grateful that acting is a (gigantic) challenge.
There are times when I'm cast in a role and immediately know that it's going to be a challenge. When I was cast as Bill Sykes in Oliver! I instantly thought "I am so wrong for this role." My instincts about it being a challenge were right. Bill was definitely a struggle to find. But so rewarding because of that.
And then of course there are the times when my instincts are way off. I expect a role to be painless, and it ends up being quite the opposite. So it is with Geography Club. You'd think it would be a cinch. I'm playing a gay high school student in a conservative community. How difficult could that be? I've lived it for crying out loud! But playing Kevin has been a struggle on many levels. (For one thing he's a charming, confident, athletic guy. The exact opposite of what I was in high school.) I immediately felt lost and insecure in the role. I watched as my cast mates started making discoveries and producing great work, while I brought nothing to the table. I found myself acting so hard instead of living. I was missing something. But I couldn't put my finger on what it was.
It turns out that what I'd forgotten was something simple and basic. Something that you learn in a high school drama class. But it was something that I passed over in my preparation for the role because I thought I didn't need it. I thought the piece was so straight forward that I wouldn't need to try to make it happen.
I guess I just tend to underestimate things. In Oliver! I underestimated myself and my abilities. I thought I'd never be able to pull off playing someone like Bill Sykes. With Geography Club I underestimated the role. Because the play seemed so simple and light, I didn't think I needed to take the time to build a foundation for my character to stand on. I thought my experience in the subject matter would be enough. Boy was I mistaken.
As frustrating as this rehearsal process has been, I'm grateful for it. It's been humbling and eye opening. I've always believed (I think I've said this before in another blog) that you get out of a job what you put into it. If I didn't have to work hard to be an actor, I know it wouldn't be as fulfilling for me or for the audience. And let's face it, if you aren't going to learn and grow, then why do it in the first place?
MJ
I never want acting to be easy. How boring would it be to spend your life doing something that was never a challenge to you? Thankfully, it isn't. Acting is, like, hard. Like, really really hard. At least for me. There are people who can walk on stage and be brilliant without the slightest effort (at least, that's how it seems to me). In High School and the first few years of college, I longed to be the person that could breathe on stage and blow the audience away. But with every closing night I'm more and more grateful that acting is a (gigantic) challenge.
There are times when I'm cast in a role and immediately know that it's going to be a challenge. When I was cast as Bill Sykes in Oliver! I instantly thought "I am so wrong for this role." My instincts about it being a challenge were right. Bill was definitely a struggle to find. But so rewarding because of that.
And then of course there are the times when my instincts are way off. I expect a role to be painless, and it ends up being quite the opposite. So it is with Geography Club. You'd think it would be a cinch. I'm playing a gay high school student in a conservative community. How difficult could that be? I've lived it for crying out loud! But playing Kevin has been a struggle on many levels. (For one thing he's a charming, confident, athletic guy. The exact opposite of what I was in high school.) I immediately felt lost and insecure in the role. I watched as my cast mates started making discoveries and producing great work, while I brought nothing to the table. I found myself acting so hard instead of living. I was missing something. But I couldn't put my finger on what it was.
It turns out that what I'd forgotten was something simple and basic. Something that you learn in a high school drama class. But it was something that I passed over in my preparation for the role because I thought I didn't need it. I thought the piece was so straight forward that I wouldn't need to try to make it happen.
I guess I just tend to underestimate things. In Oliver! I underestimated myself and my abilities. I thought I'd never be able to pull off playing someone like Bill Sykes. With Geography Club I underestimated the role. Because the play seemed so simple and light, I didn't think I needed to take the time to build a foundation for my character to stand on. I thought my experience in the subject matter would be enough. Boy was I mistaken.
As frustrating as this rehearsal process has been, I'm grateful for it. It's been humbling and eye opening. I've always believed (I think I've said this before in another blog) that you get out of a job what you put into it. If I didn't have to work hard to be an actor, I know it wouldn't be as fulfilling for me or for the audience. And let's face it, if you aren't going to learn and grow, then why do it in the first place?
MJ
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Musical Theatre Blog Challenge
Okay, so Scotty is doing this Blog Challenge that I'm in love with. So I'm hopping on the band wagon. But because I don't want to spend 30 days on it, I'm just going to my favorite ones all at once. It's my blog. I'll do what I want, k?
*If you only read one of these, let it me be this one.*
Sung by the character in a musical you can most relate to.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CWB_CXSEOPA
This song is by far my favorite song in the show and possibly my favorite musical theatre song ever. It just hits really close to home for me. I don't necessarily relate to Natalie a lot. But in this song she sings exactly what I've felt for years: "Am I crazy? I might end up crazy." Handling your own demons is one thing. But the fear of forcing the people you love to handle them with you is crippling.
Song from the first musical you ever saw/heard.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0OWAfvd7WY0
Peter Pan was the first musical I ever saw. Life changing. I'll never forget sitting in the audience as a small child and watching the giant windows open slowly and Peter Pan flying through them. I remember I had the flu but I refused to go home at intermission because I had to finish the play!
Song demonstrating how underrated a musical is
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=56zsp0dcpIw
This musical did not last as long or get as much attention as it deserved. Sherie Rene Scott is an incredible performer with a fantastic sense of humor. This semi-autobiographical musical so hilarious, touching and great to jam to.
From a Musical that Disappointed You
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ej1zMxbhOO0
Biggest let down of my life. Enough said.
Song from a musical that makes you happy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DH39sBpQxX0
This musical will always bring a smile to my face. Being a part of this show was life changing in every way possible. Pure freedom.
*If you only read one of these, let it me be this one.*
Sung by the character in a musical you can most relate to.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CWB_CXSEOPA
This song is by far my favorite song in the show and possibly my favorite musical theatre song ever. It just hits really close to home for me. I don't necessarily relate to Natalie a lot. But in this song she sings exactly what I've felt for years: "Am I crazy? I might end up crazy." Handling your own demons is one thing. But the fear of forcing the people you love to handle them with you is crippling.
Song from the first musical you ever saw/heard.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0OWAfvd7WY0
Peter Pan was the first musical I ever saw. Life changing. I'll never forget sitting in the audience as a small child and watching the giant windows open slowly and Peter Pan flying through them. I remember I had the flu but I refused to go home at intermission because I had to finish the play!
Song demonstrating how underrated a musical is
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=56zsp0dcpIw
This musical did not last as long or get as much attention as it deserved. Sherie Rene Scott is an incredible performer with a fantastic sense of humor. This semi-autobiographical musical so hilarious, touching and great to jam to.
From a Musical that Disappointed You
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ej1zMxbhOO0
Biggest let down of my life. Enough said.
Song from a musical that makes you happy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DH39sBpQxX0
This musical will always bring a smile to my face. Being a part of this show was life changing in every way possible. Pure freedom.
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