Thanksgiving 2011

I wasn't too good this year about posting something every day that I'm thankful for. Mostly because my life the last few weeks has been insanely busy. But through the stressful and emotional moments of the last month or so, I just kept telling myself "you just have to make it to Thanksgiving. If you can make it to Thanksgiving you'll be golden." Well, boys and girls, I made it. And I'm golden.

Because life has been so crazy, I haven't really been thinking much about Thanksgiving itself. And now it's here. Laying in bed this morning it took me only about three and a half seconds to decide what I'm thankful for.

In all my life I have never felt so at home and so welcomed in a group of people as I do in the theatre department at the University of Utah. The awkward transition period was virtually nonexistent. I went, rather quickly, from knowing absolutely no one to having friends in every corner of PAB. I can't walk down the hall of the Performing Arts Building without being mauled down with hugs. It's a great feeling to be accepted and I hope it never goes away.

A huge part of this is thanks to my involvement in Hair. Had I not done Hair I would have only really known the people in my class and not the upperclassmen. The Tribe made my transition to University seamless. I found love in that group of strangers so easily it was astounding. I've never been so sad for a show to close. If I didn't have classes to go to and papers to write all the time, I would definitely be able to perform that show long term. But though the show has closed and we've been forced to move on to other things, the tribe still exists. And I will always be grateful to them.

And because I'm close to those in the tribe, I've become close to other upperclassmen who were not involved in Hair. I've honestly met some of my soul mates in that building and I'm so excited for the next few years with them.

I'm also incredibly grateful for my class. The ATP class of 2015 (that sounds so far away!) is a great group of kids (and a few really old kids). We've gotten really close lately and I'm so excited about our future together. I can't wait to grow, learn and create with these people.

My life isn't perfect. It never is. But when life gets especially imperfect,  it's nice to know that I have a place to call home and a people to call a family.

Life is good.
MJ

"True People"

Auditions came and went. Rehearsals came and went. Opening night came and went. And now it is day two in our eleven show run (plus two previews) and there is a part of me that still can’t believe that Hair is happening to me. One of the most astonishing things to me is that I was this close to not auditioning. I honestly didn’t know whether or not I was going to until the moment I stepped through the door. Auditioning for this show was by far one of the best decisions I have ever made.  

I’ve always heard that being in a production of Hair is life changing. I never was sure why exactly (in fact I’m still not positive why). But it’s truth. The piece isn't perfect. Our production certainly isn't either. It isn’t as polished or as clean as it could be. It’s imperfect. But it’s beautiful in its imperfection. It has definitely been life changing for me.

So what makes Hair so different? The piece itself is unusual. When it opened in 1968 it was ground breaking to the American Theatre world. It completely changed the way people saw and made theatre. The piece leaves room for its creators to improvise and play. To discover. This means that no to productions of Hair have been or will ever be the same. No two “tribes” (for in Hair we are a TRIBE not a cast, another notable difference) ever says the same thing. No two tribes want the same thing. And no two tribes ask the same thing.

Our production in particular been different as well; from the way it was auditioned, to the way it was rehearsed and now to the way it is being performed (you’ll have to come to find out exactly how). We found and created the piece completely organically. Never did the director say “I think this scene should go like this” or “I think by saying this line you mean this.” Everything the audience sees on stage is completely organic and fresh. The love that the audience feels coming from the tribe is not synthetic. It is pure and real.

Truth is something we have striven for from the beginning. Our goal has been to never “show” the audience anything. We do not preach, or teach. We share. We invite each audience into our “home” and live with them for two hours, taking them on a journey with us. Broadway diva Patti LuPone said that “If I [as an actress] am taken to a place honestly the audience is going to receive that, and it will happen to them.”  Though the piece is disconnected, nonsensical and confusing, the audience simply has to feel what we are feeling to understand the message of our piece. We haven’t always hit our target. Finding the truth in the show has been a struggle. But I think we’ve found it. It is tradition for each tribe to choose a name for themselves. Because we have fought so hard to find truth, we chose the name Hach Winik. It means true people.

This has been a growing and learning experience for me both as an actor and as a person. And I think all good theatre does that. As my good friend and fellow tribe member Tia Galanis said, “It was always in the stars.” This tribe has become my family. Three months ago I knew not a single one of them, and now I feel that they have a piece of me that I could never give to anyone else. We became a tribe through a mutual goal of finding something special. And in the end we found was each other.

...and counting

22 years ago today, mini Michael was brought into the world screaming and crying and covered in gross. 

adorable.

Now, 22 years later, the adult (ha) version of that screaming new born is going through a similar, although less traumatic (and less messy), experience. A new chapter in my life has just begun. And I can't help but think about everything that has led me here. 

Lately, I've been focusing a lot on regrets. A lot of my attention has been put on my weaknesses and how I could have worked harder in my past to overcome them. I've become slightly obsessed with fantasies about what life could be like right now if only I had put a little bit more time and energy into myself in high school and the years following graduation. 

Luckily, I'm still young and have a lot of time to grow and learn. Right?

Simply put, the clock is ticking. I don't want to wake up in another 22 years and realize that all my dreams and ambitions passed me by.

I need goals. Fortunately I'm really really good at making goals.

Unfortunately, I'm a failure when it comes to reaching them.

Please bless that the next 22 years are more productive than the first 22 have been. 

-mikey-

Climbing uphill....

It's both awesome and overwhelming to be in a room in which you are literally the least talented person. We are halfway through the second week of rehearsals for Hair, and quite simply, I'm a little bit out of my league...

Being able to look around at your cast members and see what you could be is completely different than anything I have experienced since I was a sophomore in high school. When I went to CEU I was never really surrounded by upperclassmen, so I never had this feeling of awe at the people around me. Being in hair is completely different.

And I'm not just trying to seem humble here. This ins't one of those "I'm going to tell you how much I suck so you can tell me how good I am" situations. It isn't like that at all. There is simply no doubt in my mind that of all the cast members, I have the least experience, training and talent when it comes to singing and dancing (even though I'm older than half of them). It's a fact. It can't be denied.

Now I know that sounds bad. I know it may seem like I'm whining. Actually, I'm doing quite the opposite. I'm not upset at the situation at all. In fact, it is exactly what I wanted. I wanted a humbling experience that forced me to work hard to hold my own. And my hell, I'm getting it! I feel so liberated and excited and energized. In this show, with this cast and this director, I will not be able to fall back on my old tricks and habits that have gotten me through before. I'm going to have to be constantly working and growing. I can't express what an amazing feeling that is. I have so much to be grateful for.

I can't wait.

-mikey-

I'm just a HAIRy guy....

First week of school. Check.

First set of auditions. Check.

First set of call backs. Check.

First time seeing my name on a cast list at the University of Utah. MAJOR CHECK.

That's right, ladies and gents. About three months from now, you will see a much more harry (and hopefully much less flabby) version of Michael. I've been cast in my first show here at The U. I'll be performing as a tribal member in HAIR The Musical November 11-20. Hell. Yes.

HAIR HAIR HAIR HAIR HAIR HAIR HAIR HAIR!

Honestly, I could not be happier. I couldn't have asked for more. I am so excited to do what I love with new people, in a new place, with a piece of theatre that is unlike anything I have ever done. It will be a challenge for me in every way. But that is what excites me the most.

Also, I'm not allowed to cut or shave any part of my body. And that means ANY part. Joy. 

As my second week at school begins, I get the feeling more and more that this is where I'm supposed to be. My acting class is amazing. We have a great group of kids who are bonding and growing by leaps and bounds. I'm making friends, getting out of my comfort zone, and having a blast.

Let's just hope it continues to go up.

-mikey-

Well, we're here!

So. It's begun. I have officially survived my first day as a student of the University of Utah's actor training program. I've been looking forward to this day for months. And now that it's over I wonder what I was so nervous about.

Though it's only the first day, I already have a few things to stress about. Auditions for three different shows are this weekend. (eek!) Two of the plays I haven't read. (eek again!) and the musical (which I've at least seen) I'm not even sure I'm allowed to audition for! I've got a lot of preparing to do....

I think I'm going to enjoy my classes. My acting class is going to be... well... I don't know. I'll leave that judgement for a later date. It's definitely a "fundamentals of acting" class. This means we probably won't be doing very much scene work. It's kind of a bummer because I feel like I've taken this class before (more than once). But it's good to have a refresher I suppose. And there are a couple people in the class I can't wait to get to know.  My queer theatre class is going to be awesome I think. It's basically just reading a bunch of plays and discussing them. That is definitely right up my alley!

Tomorrow I only have one class (though it's two sections). I'm looking forward to it though, it should be fun. And I'm REALLY looking forward to my private voice lessons. Hopefully they won't be too difficult. 

So, here goes nothing. I hope I can keep up with it all. I'm sure I'll be overwhelmed at some point. But as of right now, the future is looking bright!

Living on a Latte and a Prayer

I'm not really sure what this blog is. It is three in the morning, and I started thinking. Bad combination.

I've spent the last month and a half focusing the greater part of my energy on a musical that I've grown to love and a company that I believe in more than almost anything. I don't have a job. I don't go to school. And I have next to no social life (except Wednesdays of course). It's a strange feeling, being able to focus almost everything I have on theatre. At school my "other" classes took my energy for part of the time. And while theatre was always at the top of my list of important things, there were always a few things that seemed to get in the way. I hope that the last month and a half is kind of a preview to what the next few years of my life will be. As far as school goes, I no longer have to take any classes outside of the performing arts building if I don't want to. And living in (or near) salt lake will give me the greater opportunities as far as auditioning goes. Living and breathing acting is going to be amazing.

On the other hand, I'm freaking scared out of my damn mind. Come August 22nd, I will no longer be at the top of my game. At CEU I pretty much knew where I stood. I knew what I had to do to get what I wanted. At the U, I'll be lost. I look forward to the challenge of having heavy competition. I am excited to have to fight my hardest for everything. But, as invigorating as that is, it's frightening. I remember feeling that way when I made the move to CEU. It didn't take long for me to find my place, but for a short time I was afraid I wasn't going to make it. And here I am again, afraid that the moment I walk in the door everyone will be able to see through me.

As hard as it may be to believe, I'm quite an insecure person. (NO WAY! Michael? Insecure? Who would have thought?!) I'm rarely impressed with myself and my work. In fact the best compliment I usually give myself is "Man, Michael. Look at you! You really have these people fooled into thinking you can act! What morons!" I constantly live in fear that one day people are going to see that I'm really faking my way through everything. But until that day comes, I suppose I just have to keep faking.